Tous ces états.
ALL THESE CONDITIONS
Tous ces états
I’m almost 40 years old, I still can’t accept some of my conditions: when I’m disappointed, frustrated, revolted, angry, sad, when someone breaks my balls. I still waste so much time and energy in fights that are not always worth it or in projects that don’t really succeed. I still have so much naivety, desire, spontaneity, listening, understanding, « gnac ». Damn, I have the « gnac ». I always like to do as I please, to do what I want when I want, to speak as I want, in the tone that I impose or that I impose. I always do the best I can. I still have trouble with orders, obligations, choices but I force myself to do them, to act, even against my will, because sometimes I don’t even have a choice. I’m really fed up with a lot of stuff, a lot of people, a lot of bullshit, stupid rules, tired of stupidity, injustice, impotence, fatality, corrupt people, egos… We’re all going to die – me too – in 10 years or in 1 minute, few people are aware of it on a daily basis and most of them pretend it’s not going to happen, don’t even think about it or never. I see all these people, all these things that escape me, that I can’t shake, that I can’t catch up with, on which I have very little effect and it revolts me, it irritates me, it disappoints me, because there are so many things to do together, and so little time. These moments, these moments that I don’t live because I am not allowed to.
And I don’t think that accepting all these conditions would ever make me happy, on the contrary. In acceptance, there is no fight. Only resignation, and here there would be the simple acknowledgement of a very disappointing reality.
So I’ll just put myself on my guard, continue to fight, be attentive to all this, to all these states, understand them, listen to them. The only thing I can have any control over is that. I want to continue to play, to walk around, to draw, to exchange, to have fun, to help, to read, and many other things, and for that I have no choice, I have to go through the world, through people, those I like and those I don’t like. Because, damn it, Man will leave me no choice but to confront all these conditions.
Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)
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